Just So I Don't Go Crazy
JIM; Do you remember what you said to me on my first day of work, just before you walked me over to my desk?
PAM; “Enjoy this moment, because you’re never going to back to this time before you met your desk-mate Dwight.”
JIM; And that’s when I knew. You?
PAM; You came up to my desk, and you said, “This might sound weird, and there’s no reason for me to know this, but that mixed berry yogurt you’re about to eat has expired.”
JIM; That was the moment that you knew you liked me?
PAM; Yep.
JIM; Wow. Can we make it a different moment?
PAM; Nope.The Office, 4x03 Launch Party
(via funkylove)
I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionaly capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and then I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been the victim of my own optimism.
Eat. Pray. Love
It hurts sometimes ya now? It hurts knowing that I wasn’t enough. I wrote you a letter last night. Never actually plan on sending it, but I wrote it anyway. You see, my greatest fear in life is people leaving me. I do everything in my power to make people love me. I make myself irreplaceable. Almost 99% of the time it works. I’ve moved through life rarely having to realize this fear. In fact, I have a tendency to forget that I even have this fear at all. You see, I’ve developed this radar if you will of knowing when someone has the potential to cause my heart immense damage. Those are the people who don’t really need me as much as I need them. And trust me, I need to be needed. I almost feed on it. It’s what keeps me going day in and day out. Being needed. Those are the people I keep at a safe distance. Those are the people I tease mercilessly. Those are the people I pretend I don’t need. Those are the people that whenever they go home at the end of the day I wish with all my heart would turn around and stay even though I’m the one driving them out the door. When the time comes that I’ve tested them too much and they are almost ready to break and leave me, I leave them. I attack them with bitter lies that I wish I could take back the moment they leave my mouth. I push so hard that they snap. I’m so covert in my performance, that many don’t even see the mastery in it. They can move on thinking I’m a bitch and they’re better off without me, and I can move on knowing that I’m the one that actually did the leaving. I suppose that’s why you hurt me so much. I actually let you in you see. How that actually happened I don’t even know, but none the less, with you I lowered my guard. I actually forgot to keep you at a distance and I suppose that is why you have caused me the greatest pain I’ve ever known. I’m not angry, upset, bitter, or suicidal mind you. I never shed one tear for you. Sadness is all that’s left I suppose. I’m sad that I couldn’t keep you in my life. It’s not really you I miss either, it’s the remeberance of you walking away and not looking back.
I know in the end that we will never last. I know it for a fact, but I think that for right now, we are what each other needs. I know that my heart is going to get broken, but I’m ok with that cause I think there’s a lot of things we can teach each other
